Forgiveness 101
Forgiveness 101:
Freeing Yourself Through the Power to Forgive
Forgiveness may sound like something wishy-washy or weak. The truth is that forgiving others is extremely empowering and freeing. It enables you to let go of the past to focus on a better future. It does NOT mean you have to keep the person in your life if you don’t choose to. Forgiveness means not hanging on to the baggage of bitterness or the desire for revenge. You can wish the person well and move on from there as you decide, rather than be trapped in an endless cycle of negativity.
Recent studies have shown that refusing to forgive really hurts us more than the person who first harmed us. It causes a stress and ‘fight or flight response’ that can erode your good physical as well as mental health. It is bad enough someone did you harm once, without you allowing them to do it over and over again by dwelling on their unfairness, your misery and hurt, and so on.
If you’ve been feeling stuck in your life, not able to forgive or move on, or make a decision about the relationship with the person who has hurt you, it’s time to take control of your life. Empower yourself through forgiveness, to become your best self and choose the life you wish to lead.
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Mistakes happen. Sometimes our feelings get hurt because of something someone did which affected us in a negative way. In other cases, they might have done something deliberately which they knew would hurt us, but they did it anyway.
No one is perfect, of course. There will be times in our lives when we make mistakes and will need to be forgive by others. Having an open heart can often make it easier to forgive. But some offenses are tough to forgive, no matter how hard we try.
There are a number of reasons for this. The first is that the pain is very new and raw. It’s hard to put things in perspective when you feel so miserable about what has happened. Second, some people think that forgiving others is a sign of weakness, so they are going to ‘make that person pay’ for messing with them. The trouble with revenge is it can get out of control. It is also a vicious circle of people hurting each other in turn, instead of a virtuous circle of forgiving and moving on, free from the hurt and the emotional baggage.
Third, the issue of forgiveness often has to do with a change in the relationship dynamic. The event can cause a radical shift in the relationship, one that may cause the relationship to actually end. For example, if you discover your partner has been unfaithful, you feel you have two choices. Forgive and try to carry on, or let them go because you can’t ever forgive them. A third choice is to forgive and let go. It can be difficult, but also incredibly liberating.
My clients have often told me, with the benefit of hindsight, that getting divorced was the best thing that ever happened to them because it enabled them to become the person they are today. Not all of the marriages were miserable; far from it. Not all of the relationships ended due to infidelity. Some just reached the end of their shelf life as each partner continued to grow and change.
But if you value a relationship and don’t want to lose a person from your life, sooner or later you are going to be confronted with the choice of forgiving, or not. It is up to you, of course, depending on what happened and why. The main thing to keep in mind is how liberating and empowering it can be to let go of the hate and hurt and just be, rather than feel.
In this course, we will discuss the essentials on how to forgive others while staying true to ourselves and our path in life. Let’s meet your instructor, grab your course downloads and start with the first lesson.
Meet the Instructor
Annabelle Stevens is a life coach and the author of more than 50 self-help guides.
